It's Your War Paint: Monthly Muse: February

I can’t decide which is sadder: the fact that I now know from firsthand experience what -3° actually feels like, or the fact that 2014 already has a buzzword and we’re only 32 days in. Either way this Polar Vortex can suck it. Add to that the fact that it’s February and I want to scream. February is kind of the worst. Here’s why:

1. It’s cold. And wearing my winter accessories lost its charm weeks ago.

2. My gorgeous olive skin tone that my mother blessed me with? It’s now a sallowy yellow-greenish color and I look permanently ill due to lack of sunlight.

3. After President’s Day, there are no more paid holidays to look forward to until Memorial Day. In May. So basically, February is the Monday of the Calendar year. Ew.

4. I’ll spend yet another year ignoring the existence of Valentine’s Day all together. Until the day after when I will inevitably breakdown and buy myself a heart-shaped box of chocolates because they’re half-off and delicious in a way that regular candy bars just aren’t. Then, when I take my candy up to the cashier, the girl behind the register will morph into Chandler and just look at me like “Could you BE any more pathetic?” and this will make me sad and embarrassed. So then I’ll probably just eat my candy alone in my car so as not to risk anyone mistaking it for a gift and having to field questions about new prospects (of which there won’t be any because who wants to date a person in a shitty mood with a sickly complexion?).

5. It’s cold (so cold that it is worth listing twice).

But this year, instead of wallowing in bitterness, I am going to celebrate Black History Month with Michael and Janet, channeling my anger into inspiration with Scream. While the lyrics of the song encapsulate frustrations that run much deeper than the weather and being single on Valentine's Day, the aesthetic of the Scream video is perfect for this dreary month. Michael and Janet take the dark and cold of outer space and turn it into a minimalist dreamscape that is right on trend for 2014 (minus the knee pads of course). Michael and Janet are true visionaries with black nail polish, smoky eyes, piecey hair, lug soles, and crop tops that show just a sliver of skin. Also, can we talk about how, in 1997, the Jacksons dreamed up the type of digital wall art that Bill Gates is famous for having in real life today? Amazing.

Like Janet, I’m still holding up a big middle finger this month, but I’ll be doing it with lots of smudged eyeliner and metallic accents…and maybe while breaking a few therapeutic vases just for good measure.